I have to admit, keeping my head above water is often a really difficult thing for me.  It is funny, when you compare yourself (as I often do) to all of those other mothers; you know the ones you think are better than you at whatever parenting task at hand; and realize that we are all one coping mechanism away from disaster.  It is merely the coping mechanism and the definition of disaster that varies between us.

Take, for example, my mother-in-law.  I get the feeling, however unfounded, that she thinks of me in some ways to be inadequate.  I am, frankly, when you define adequacy by her terms, but I want to assure you that I am loved dearly by her and while we have our very glaring and obvious differences, we are learning to live together with some semblance of grace.  We are very similar, as much as I hate to admit it.  I believe that her coping mechanism has something to do with how others see you, similar to Bree Hodge on Desperate Housewives.  I am in the same book, I am just in another chapter.  Our disasters are the same – failure in the eyes of others.  The funny thing about that is that I often feel like a failure, but then others see me a different way.

I guess this is all convoluted and not really making sense, but I will say this.  There are moments of sheer sunny happiness.  As I sat out in front of my house today, two beautiful girls passed by (I live right by a college campus) and one was weaving together a dandelion rope.  I was all, “come here and show me that!!!” and she did.  She also sat down and showed me how to make one, something I have always wanted to know how to do.  God bless her, she really made my day.

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